Not Meat Comics

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diplodocus in your crocus - part II
Hillary for President! I'm Republican.	But... you have a "Run, Hillary, Run" bumper sticker.	Yeah, on the *front* bumper.
Mar 29, 2007 12:25:51 PM By Orion QP

Score: 2.26387, View, Rate, Discuss

Through a Scanner, Darky.
Got put on that "No Fly List" over the Holidays because of them new full body scanners they got now.		Seems you can't bring just any old body in for a scan.
Jan 11, 2010 5:41:58 AM By the_masked_lizard

Score: 2.20704, View, Rate, Discuss

three-way with sarah palin in 2012
It's really troubling the level of partisanship this country has devolved into. Americans really need to stop, think, and put aside their differences for the sake of the country.	In an effort to do our part, Barry and I have agreed to sing a song for you. Let's karaoke this bizatch.	I seen you 'round for a long long time... I really 'membered you when you drink my wine.
I seen you walkin' down in Chinatown... You see me smilin' and then you frown.	I bring my money to the welfare line... I see you standing in it every time.	The color of your skin don't matter to me... As long as we can live in harmony.
I'd kinda like to be the President... So I can show you how your money's spent.	Sometimes I don't speak too bright... But yet I know what I'm talking about.	I know you're working for the CIA... They wouldn't have you in the Mafia, oh...
Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends?	Nice song. I feel like we've bonded. The lyrics were hilariously appropriate for us, as was the band.	But damn, your ears are HUGE. Shut up, coke-head.
Dec 10, 2009 5:16:32 PM By Orion QP

Score: 2.12553, View, Rate, Discuss

Tom Swift and the Solar Death Panels
Lost my job over at the women's clinic last week.		Turns out that "Singin' Mammograms" weren't such a big hit.
Nov 22, 2009 4:48:38 AM By the_masked_lizard

Score: 2.03231, View, Rate, Discuss

Enfamil for the Infamous
People can be so dang picky about stuff nowadays.		Seems you can't refer to the recently deceased as "Shovel Ready"
Dec 31, 2009 5:32:17 PM By the_masked_lizard

Score: 2.02448, View, Rate, Discuss

ye banks and braes o' lorna doone
Hey Milkman Dan, what's the video-camera for? Oh, I was just out in the woods, shooting a movie with your kitten, Whiskers.	My kitten? What have you done with my kitten?! Well, I don't want to give away the big surprise, Karen, but I'm sure the movie's in the top ten at YouTube by now.	MOOOOOOOOOMM! Could we get some more tears? I need this part to look good for my blog post later tonight.
Apr 6, 2007 6:37:06 PM By Orion QP

Score: 2.02166, View, Rate, Discuss

turning water into orange glo
Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson. The trinity of celebrity deaths is complete.	What about Billy Mays? Good ol' Billy...	...HE THREW IN AN EXTRA AT NO ADDITIONAL COST TO YOU!
Jun 30, 2009 7:44:42 PM By Orion QP

Score: 2.00041, View, Rate, Discuss

how do you violate a rectum of such circumference?
Papa Moai, is there anything you can do to help me stop smoking?	I don't think so, Ted. I think without the pipe, you'd lose your center of balance and topple over backwards. Please. Not being a stone statue gives me certain flexibility.	Looks like congratulations are in order. I hate you, Papa Moai.
Jul 20, 2010 11:24:02 PM By flatsperm

Score: 1.96874, View, Rate, Discuss

i'm with stupid ------>
		So, class, what did you think of today's presentation? Worst. Career Day. Ever.
Apr 3, 2007 9:22:29 PM By Orion QP

Score: 1.94765, View, Rate, Discuss

i put a spell on you. because i needed the exp.
Your word is: "fluffy". Fluffy. F-L-U-F-F-Y. Fluffy.	Your word is: "I". I. I. I.	Your word is: "sleeps". Sleeps. S-L-E-E-P-S. Sleeps.
Your word is: "hate". Hate. H-A-T-E. Hate.	Your word is: "with". With. W-I-T-H. With.	Your word is: "you". You. Y-O-U. You.
Your word is: "the". The. T-H-E. The.	Your word is: "milkman". Milkman. M-I-L-K-M-A-N. Milkman.	Your word is: "fishes". Fishes. F-I-S-H-E-S. Fishes.
Your word is: "dan". Dan. D-A-N. Dan.	Excellent. And that concludes the two obviously fabricated word lists delivered to me at gunpoint before the ceremony.	If you have something to say to each other, is it possible you could communicate this in a different medium? No, we're good.
Jul 21, 2010 9:59:28 PM By flatsperm

Score: 1.89406, View, Rate, Discuss

silent mackerel, holy mackerel
One fateful morning as Binky the Clown prepared breakfast, he was reaching for the toaster when he accidentally knocked over a glass of orange juice.	The juice splashed into the toaster, electrocuting Binky, leaving the poor clown dead. The offending liquid then flowed down the counter and finally trickled out the back door.	In search of the real killer.
Nov 26, 2006 12:39:29 PM By ravgames

Score: 1.88069, View, Rate, Discuss

fast food's plea: don't go into the lite!
Ah, nothing like a day at the beach.
Hey, look at that! A bottle with a note in it! I wonder what it says...	Hmm...	"I'm standing right behind you." That's odd.
Dec 5, 2008 10:58:32 PM By Orion QP

Score: 1.86571, View, Rate, Discuss

just havin' a little fun
I'd heard of "Grammar Nazis"...	But how ironic.	The web has produced "Godwin's Law Nazis," too.
Feb 10, 2010 10:39:57 PM By Orion QP

Score: 1.85318, View, Rate, Discuss

common swear words are par for the cuss
Sir, would you please leave? Didn't anyone ever tell you not to cry over spilled milk?	Or broken eggs? Or a violated ham?	Sir... Fine, I'll leave. This isn't the only grocery store in town, you know.
May 26, 2010 4:54:43 PM By Orion QP

Score: 1.8167, View, Rate, Discuss

I'll raise your plague and bet two holocausts
HillAry for President! Woohoo!	You'll need a running mate, of course.	I withdraw.
Apr 2, 2007 9:00:48 AM By clickbouyow

Score: 1.8136, View, Rate, Discuss

yabba dabba dugong
Hey Ted, have you heard that hilarious joke they don't tell gay people?	Uh, no...
Mar 27, 2010 8:05:06 PM By Orion QP

Score: 1.77232, View, Rate, Discuss

two jokes you can't tell on rmcs
You can prick your finger, but don't finger your prick.	If a cake-making contest is a bake-off, is a car-raising contest a jack-off?	I loved your humor, George, and I'll miss you.
Jun 23, 2008 9:44:41 PM By ravgames

Score: 1.76519, View, Rate, Discuss

diplodocus in your crocus - part I
Hillary for President! I'm Republican.		Really? Normally the costume's a dead giveaway.
Mar 29, 2007 12:25:47 PM By Orion QP

Score: 1.7632, View, Rate, Discuss

ghetto girl celebrates new year's weave
So, who are you picking in the playoffs? Well, I think the Schlomos will beat the Jabrones and the Hoobeedoobees will take out the Gigglyhees...	But I just don't know if the Hoobeedoobees can defeat the Schlomos on the road in a blinding snowstorm.	You don't follow football, do you? I just can't get interested in any sport where the players aren't on fire.
Dec 30, 2007 9:06:46 PM By Orion QP

Score: 1.73228, View, Rate, Discuss

My Golden Parachute turned out to be a Golden Shower Suit.
I am the Genie you have freed from the bottle. You will now receive three wishes. Whoa!	Three wishes! That's mighty generous of you. I'm going to need to think on this a mite.	Why do you assume they will be your wishes?
Dec 8, 2008 1:29:52 PM By the_masked_lizard

Score: 1.72131, View, Rate, Discuss

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